Monthly Archives: November 2011

This Wonderous World


We have to really think deep and be in reality to understand what is happening.  What is happening today, do you know?  Do you care?  I care, but I have so much else to care about.  I go about my life and forget.  But then I see the pain.

It is sad.  It is unconstitutional.  It is in-humane.  It is crazy.  It is against kindness.  What are these people thinking?

The first people to occupy America, as we all know were the Native Americans.  They lived a prosperous, spiritual life.  I think about their lives and can imagine their peaceful lives.

Then as we all know war, hatred, jealousy and the unknown are brought onto their land.   Their land, which in now our land.  The supposed “wonderous world”.

The first people got on a boat and was hopeful to get out of Europe.  Some people were criminals and they were forcefully sent to the Americas.  While one party wanted to forget about them and get rid of them, the other party, may have been hopeful to possibly start a new life.

religion was a big part in Europe and many people began to “think” differently from the norm of religion.  They escaped the persecution of the church.  Others plainly came as indentured servants to gain their  own land.

In essence people landed foot onto the land of the natives for freedom from the church and to attempt to be the leader of a new world.

The land of the Americas changed forever. We all know the story of how evil took over and the air was filled with killings, rapes, lives and familes being destroyed, tortured and forever scarred.

As the world goes on, the Europeans live happily ever after.

Then the word gets out and more and more migrate to this wonderous land.  Men take charge and put forth rules and regulations.

Others such as the Irish are scrutinized as “immigrants” and now there is an agenda as to who can come into the land.  How sickening is this?  Why can’t we all just live happily.

The people with fair skin, light hair and eyes that sparkle with light are now the founders of America.  The world is established and then comes more evil.

They bring in “slaves”.  Now there are people of a darker color on the American land and they are treated the same way as the Natives.  Who gives these people the right to do such hatred acts?

As time goes on, our world understands, accepts, challenges, fights this rubber band of hatred and inequality.

We overcome and are now all living together with no one saying a certain person of a certain color cannot enter.

But have we really overcome this hatred?


Now, we are living in the 21st Century.  We are supposed to learn from our mistakes.  We are supposed to educate ourselves on our history, so we don’t make the same mistakes.

We are now living in a world of technology.  One would think that we have now diminished the negative world out of our hands.

But,  just like a drama, hatred and unhealthy relationship arrive on the table, if one does not get help, they will continue on with their patterns.

The world needs help!  It is not free!  It is money hungry, which is evil.  It is a democratic word, but we are all ruled by one ruler, which is not really democratic.

The Americas are still not allowing people in and are racial profiling, which is amazingly going backwards.

America has jobs.  America is freedom, compared to other countries.  We have the freedom of speech.  But we blockade the States like we are some glamorous world in which we do not want to be infected.

It has gotten to the point, where innocent people want to come to this supposedly glamorous world.  They think it like living the “dream” they are never able to grasp.  They think if they come to America, they will get a job, they will have money.  They will be able to afford housing and food.

And now our world changes. “Outsiders” fight to come over.

They go as far as climbing fences.  They put their lives in danger.  They leave their children behind, so they can enter this wonderous world.  They cross rivers, lakes and oceans.  They almost die.  What kind of life is this?

Now this “wonderous world” is that un-reachable goal.  Everyone wants it.  It’s reverse psychology.  If you cannot have it, you want it more.

Now in the Americas, we have what we call “immigrants”.  Immigration defines a group of people who move to new country for a variety of  reasons:

“Illegal Immigrants” are the ones who come to the Americas that are typically poor and do not have a lot of resources.

“A person may become an illegal immigrant by one of three ways: The first is  to enter a country without consent from the country’s government.  The second is  when the immigrant stays longer than the time he was legally granted to stay in  the country. The third is when an immigrant violates the terms of consent, such  as illegal activity, unemployment or leaving school. Consent is granted through  a country’s consulate or embassy by stamping a valid passport with appropriate  visa information”.  (Wikipedia)

This is where it gets ugly.  As illegal immigrants want to be in America so bad, they put their lives and bodies in danger.

They fight the INS every second of the day.  They can be working and the INS comes in and they run away from the predator that will eat them alive.

They have to work in environments that most people would not even consider.  They go out onto farm fields and pick fruits and veggies.  Their hands suffer.  They get poison in their eyes.  They get sun damage.  They work from dusk till dawn with one meal.  They are the new “slaves” of America.  It is quit ironic that money  hungry people will hire illegal immigrants to save a buck, but they do not care or realize the physical pain these people will go through for the sake of their evil money greed.

While the men are out on the field, women only have several choices.  They cannot work for a company as they are not “legal”.  They can work as a maid, a nanny or work in underpaid factories.

And as we all know, but turn our heads to the reality of it, they get taken advantage of.  The end.

It is a sad, sad cycle.  I wish our world did not treat people badly.  Who cares if they are legal or not!  They are human.

To want to live in the wonderous world is to…………

put you body in pain,

The want puts your emotions on

a high drive of an up and down crane.

The want keeps your children behind

like the orphaned and unwanted.

The want destroys your self-worth

as a criminal does not care.

Is this world really worth all the commotion and pain?

I do not know, I do not know that pain.

But I see you.  I see your eyes.

Their full of pain as that up and down crane.

Why do you do it?

Is it all the worth it?

I would rather stay, but that is not for me to say.

I pray for you and hope that our world will one day change.

I love you like a human that wishes you had no pain.

One day, one day, we’ll live in this world,

drama free and free for all of YOU!!

**This is written on behalf of my own opinion.  You may not agree, but it is where my brain thoughts are.  This is written by Camille Ruiz and it is copyrighted

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The Spirits have Awoken


Sunday, November 13th 2011

It is a beautiful day outside. The lovely wind is blowing in my hair. The sun is shining on my face. I love today and no one can it away. Today, I realize that I have surpased the crack I have been stuck in. I have found a way around it. Damn, those cracks on our paths that get in our way. Our paths can be so smooth, but from our shaking universe, we get stuck sometimes. The funny thing is that most of the time, we dont’ even know we are stuck in a crack. We just go with life. We wake up and do our daily thing, come home, go to sleep and start another day without really thinking about where we are. We are stuck, but then we breath, we realize, we have to breath. We breath in the world and realize, we are stuck. We have to get out to keep going on our path. There are so many beautiful things that will arise, but we have to get out and keep going.

I took a deep breath and I smelled the beauty of today. I realized my foot was stuck in a crack. I breathed in and saw a yellow sun. I breathed in and saw a shining star. I breathed in and decided to get out of the damn crack and run. I am running. I am running like I am being chased from a coyote. I am running like I am on the beach, running towards heaven. I am running to happiness.

I can smell the freshness of the world. I can smell the beauty of today, tomorrow and my new found smile.

The negative world, get out of my way. I don’t need you, nor do I want you next to me or my kin. I see you. I don’t want you. I’ve been with you. Good bye.

To the Spirits of love,
I await you like a bird awaits its worm,

To the Sprits of Friendship,
You come to me as if we are a universal bond

To the Spirits of my Kin
You have been given to me and I await the blossoming of your beauty

To the Spirits of Air,
I breath you in like I really care

To the Spirits of you,
You are beautiful inside and out,
If you cannot see that, I do not care.

To the Spritis of you,
You are one of a kind,
If you do not like that, I do not care.

To the Spirits of you,
You are whole, don’t ever let go of that.

To the Spritis of you,
You have been chosen to love. To love like you care.
To love like its your passion.

To the Spirits of you,
Go with your road. It’s powerful.
You will turn the page and everyday will be love….

To the Spirits of you,
There is no going back.
Oh no, there is no going back……………………

Addiciton. Relapse. My Life. The Sheff Books.


Current mood:artistic

Books…Books…and more books…

Beautiful Boy By: Sheff

Okay, this father has to endure a life of an addiction like no other.  Why did I read this book?  Well, for one, I love books, but I usually read spiritual and religion stuff.  Well, I lied, I also get my kicks from reading memoirs, so of course this book caught my eye.  I was walking through Borders as I normally do every couple of weeks or so and noticed a book that caught my eye.  It was white with the title, “Beautiful Boy”.  Well, for one, it caught my eye because that’s a title of one of John Lennon songs and if anyone knows me, he’s my fave.  So, I picked up the book and those who are readers will understand that sometimes,  you don’t pick the book, the book picks you.  I felt a surge like no other.  I felt like the book wanted me to take it home (and no I was not high, hahah, not that I get high).  But of course on this particular day, I didn’t have the extra money to buy this book.  I left the book store as a sad six year old, wanting to cry because I wanted it so bad.  But I told myself, once I had the money, I would go grab it.  So, sure enough, I got paid, and rushed over to Borders to buy that book!

I got my hands on the book.  It was nothing but pleasure, like a kid getting an ice-cream!  I got home, read the book and did’t put it down for a whole week.  I read it.  I was amazed.

Amazed because I can feel this father’s pain.  Not on such a deep level, but a pain like no other.  You see, there are addicts.  Drug addicts.  Alcoholics.  They have a disease.  This disease not only eats these people up, but it effects their whole family.  I related to Sheff.  My own two parents were addicts.  But luckily my mom over came it.  Thank God.  But she’ll always have the disease.  Now, I’m not ashamed to say it.  But she works the twelve-step program and she has to every day or her disease will over take her.  This is just like Sheff’s son.  Nic.  Poor Nic.  He has a drug addiction that is hard for him to over come and it effects his Father.  This scares me to shit because not only do I have a child that I have to look out for, but this disease is genetic.  My daughter can be prone to this disease.  This was my fear as I grew up.  Knowing that both my parents were addicts, I was always afraid I would become addicted to drugs.  This, luckily saved me.  I never touched a hardcore drug in my life.  If I did, I probably would have gone into a spur of drug addiction.  I probably would have been like my parents and Nic, who would have been swallowed by drugs.  Not being able to get out of the addiction.  And then my family would be dying to know if I were alive or not.  Just like Nic’s father.  He lives in misery because he’s worried to shit where his son is.  He’s scared his son is in jail.  Or maybe he’s laying dead in the street.  It’s the scariest thing.  Anyway, to close on my thoughts, go out and read “Beautiful Boy”.  It is a deep book that talks about addiction coming from a fathers perspective.

As Mr. Sheff was writing his book, Nic his son had gone through several recovery homes trying to get sober.  He would get sober for a year and then forget that he was an addict and relapse.  He finally went to a good, therapeutic recovery home.  He is a good writer, so while he was sober he began writing about his addicted life.

So, out comes the book “Tweak” by Nic Sheff. it’s more like OMFG.  This book takes you into a world of addiction.  I now know what my parents went through.  The love he had for his family.  The want to be part of his family, yet when he did drugs, nothing else mattered to him, but getting high.  I felt like I was there with him.  I read this book even quicker.  I think in about five days.  I could not put this book down.  I read it before bed.  I read it when I got home. I read it while I was cooking.  This is a damn good book.  And not because I have a connection with these people, but because Nic Sheff is a damn good writer.   He has a blog, just google, “Nic Sheff”.  But he stopped writing.  Maybe he’s out on the streets again.  Or maybe he’s really focusing on promoting his book.  I don’t know.  But this disease is major.  And here we are spending all kinds of money on war.  Our state and country is in debt.  Yet, we don’t even think of trying to find a cure for this gene of addiction.  Some people don’t even realize the seriousness of this disease.

My father lays in the ground because of Alcoholism.  And he’s not the only one.  How many people have died because of this disease?   But most lay people out there think it’s their choice.  They overlook the fact that their in a deep somber of something that has taken over them.

So, the reason I began writing this is because I have an idea.  And I feel like if I put it out there, I’ll be more likely to finish it.  I have gone through this disease myself as I have mentioned above.  I have seen my Papa (my dad’s dad) suffer with alcoholism.  I saw his son, my own father suffer from it.  I have seen my mother suffer from drug addiction.  And her father suffer from alcoholism.  I have seen my uncle suffer with prescription drug addiction.  I have seen my cousin suffer with a slight sense of alcoholism.  I have seen a very close family member suffer with a slight sense of alcoholism.  With that said, should I be worried?  Gees, I don’t know.  I’m freakin’ scared for my daughter.  I suppose all I can do is educate her and let her know that this addiction disease is strong in our blood.  One shot of heroin could take her into addiction and she can be lost in the streets with other heroin addicts who sell their bodies for one shot.  One snort of cocaine could take her on whirlwind of addiction.

This is my life.  It is my story.  And I plan on writing a book about how my childhood and addiction have led to who I am.  I will not tell the basis of the story, I will tease  you.  Hopefully one day soon, you’ll see a colorful book with Camille Ruiz on the cover.  Hopefully one day, I’ll get into some research on how to cure this disease.

Till then, look out for the name……

Only God Knows…..


She has fought
It was never her fault.
Life just gave her that slaught.
Could it have been changed?
Only God knows!!

Problems escapade
Inside hurts
The unknown is out there

She can only hear the blurts
She feels it,
It sucks,
It’s life,
Could it have been changed?
Only God knows!

There’s Light!
The Schooling,
Education, Love, the Parties
Friends and she doesn’t know the flair,
It’s love that grows from the air

Then it escapes her again
He comes
She enters
It’s life
Could it have been changed?
You know the answer

She leaves him
The love comes back
It’s wonderful
It’s just her and her mars
It cannot get better than this…..

Then the new chapters begin.
There’s a heart that breaks
There’s stress
There’s the light of God
There’s enlightment
There she is…..opening her eyes to life….
Everything happens for a reason!!
Karma. Love. Zen. God. Karma.

She’ll find another place
The angels are watching
The birds are flying over her
The butterfly she is will fly toward the greater!!

Driving up the turns...

June 2008

-cami star

It just came across….


This is one of my favorite poems I have written.  I wrote this in January 2008.  This poem is when I went through a hard break up.  I just was never able to keep him.  It was a sad moment.  I loved him.  The end.


What the world is,
What the world does,
I just never thought,
I just never knew,
Then one day, it just came across………

Oh how I didn’t want it,
Oh how I didn’t need it,
Oh how I couldn’t have it,
Oh how I must not lead it,

Years and years go by with out words,
I never hear it,
I never see it
And I never knew it,

And then one day, there it is right in front of me,
It is new!
It is different!
How could I have not known it!

But it couldn’t be……
I just never thought,
I just never knew,
Then one day, it just came across………

The hugs, the kisses, the love, the fun,
How could it be?
Oh How could this be?

Now, I can’t let go,
I don’t want to let go,
How could I let go?
Oh how Can I let go?

It came and left one sunny July,
It came and left one lucky September,
Was the timing not right?
Was the love not there?
But the air grew thick,
The misses were there,

Once again, the moon, the stars, the planets aligned,
The call was there on one cold December…

The love she feels, it could not get better,
The love she feels could get much much stronger,
The love she feels just itches right under,
The love she feels is just not like another!

What the world is,
What the world does,
I just never thought,
I just never knew,
Then one day, it just came across………

But things change day by day,
The moon in the sky always leaves us to wonder,
Four years ago, I did the same cry,
For living without it, is the reason why!

Good-bye today for I know you need space,
Good-bye tomorrow for no need to blame,
Good-bye for now as I know you’re the one,
Good-bye for yesterday I couldn’t have won….

What the world is,
What the world does,
I just never thought,
I just never knew,
Then one day, it came across and now,
oh dear now,
Now it is gone!!