Tag Archives: awakening

Another Year….

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Another year to depart from and say good-bye to, it was fun, it was sad and it was happy! A new year to embark on to renew yourself, to say bye to the old and hello to the new. Are you ready? Are YOU ready? I can’t hear you!! ARE YOU READY!!!!!????? (“ahem” as I clear my thought)

I am READY! LET’S DO THIS! I love new beginnings, it is an ability to begin anew, it’s a fresh start. A new year usually gets us to think, “how can I better myself?” Many create “resolutions” to help them improve their lives, whether it be physically, emotionally or spirtitually. I on the other hand, always strive to better myself, but not with “resolutions”. Years ago, I did create “resolutions”, I lived on that band wagon for a very long time, but I always failed, gave up and then life went on. It’s like, what’s the point? As I’ve moved on to bigger and better things (in my own view), I have ditched what is called “resolutions”! Instead I live a life of what I call a learning curve, a chance to redeem myself, a life of what is meant to be. What I didn’t learn or accomplish last year will be a goal for the upcoming year.

My new year thoughts and wishes are to strive and be one with reality in order to better myself as I climb my life of stairs. Did you read that word….”reality”! REALITY! Living in reality is something all humans need to work on. We do NOT live in yesterday’s mistakes, although our past does open up our minds! We do not live in tomorrow, which is unreachable. BUT, we are alive right here and right now. I’m not going to dig into our current earth, climate and political issues, but those who are reading this, are fully aware of them. We need to stay in today, stay in reality, stay on what is going on now in order to move forward. Enough said.

Do we always climb upwards and never fall or in a real sense fail? Of course not, we are only human. Luckily, we are born covered with thick skin to protect our inner parts. We get scraped, burned and maybe break a bone or two, but do we heal? We always do! You know the saying, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonaide!” This is my motto in life~ I live to make do with what I have, to make do with the current road I am on, I just do it and await for the next page. We can only make our own selves happy right? So, I just do it!

My life is like riding a super long escalator, which is my road to enlightment. We will always climb upwards, but it’s up to you, it’s up to me to keep climbing! Are you ready to climb? Are you ready to get to the next level? I hope so because I love climbing. I have happily come to a point in my life where I can care less about a daily stress or weekly struggle because I know that at the end of the day, it is a learning experience and I can only go up! I have chosen to no longer go down at this point in my life, I’ve been there, done that!

This is exactly why I look forward to new beginnings! I look forward to new chapters, most importantly, I look foward to riding my escalator that is traveling up, “to infinity and beyyyyoooond” as the infamous Buzz Lightyear would say. ……

Does the escalator take us all to the next level of life? Unfortunately, the answer is no and I will fully say I know this from experience! We go up, we stop, we go down and we may fail. I’m sure you know a soul or two who do not seem to grow spiritually or mentally at ALL. Our best intentions is to “want” to help them or slap some sense into them, but at one point or another, we come to the realization that our wanting to help has nothing to do with helping them! When you have moved past the ugly and toxins in our lives, it is so much easier to climb up, but not everyone is “there”. We may think it is easy to get enlightened, but when your down and full of regrets, toxins and maybe even addiction, it may seem IMPOSSIBLE to step onto that esalator.

So, what happens to these souls? The souls we long to help? Nothing. Exactly nothing. Nada. And it is sad to say that we cannot do anything about it. I mean, yeah, we can reah out and attempt to lead them to the light. We can provide our love and compassion, but really, at the end of the day, they must make the choice to heal and to step forward.

Those who are stuck, may stay on their level for years, decades or maybe until their last breath. They will stay where they are until they are ready to move forward, until they are ready to see the truth, until they are ready to open up their weaknesses and let go. We cannot do anything for them (sadly), we cannot force them on the escalator (unfortunately), they must move forward on their own (although I wish it were that easy). They always have the ability to get on the escalator, it never leaves. Ever! When you go to the mall, do you ever see the escaltor move? NO, NEVER! This is the same in our lives, our life escalator never moves, it’s impossible. Remember, always remember that regardless of where you are in life, you always have the choice and chance to get on that escalator to help you move up in your life. Take a chance, make a choice!

Once again, this is why I love new beginnings, which today, I speak on behalf of our upcoming New Year. No matter what has happened yesterday, a year ago or even 20 years ago, you can never go back to that moment, all you can do is go foward. Isn’t that a beautiful reality? I think so!

As the years in my life keep coming up and moving forward over and over again, I have discovered that I have a love-dislike relationship with them! I’m sorry “time”, but I have to be honest with you in order to be honest with myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love riding my escalator each year, it’s fun! I’m like a child in the sense that I get excited as my right foot steps on my escalator with a happy and a giddy feeling of the unknown. What will be upstairs? Will it be a huge candy land that will fill me up with joy? A pink cloud filled with purple unicorns? All of my hopes and dreams ready to engulf me? My innocent self wants to say “yes, yes and yes!”

Unfortunately, my life is not always sugar and spice, but at the end of the day or year in this matter all twists and turns are teachable moments. Each step I’ve taken turns into beauty and this is only because I’m able to let go and let God (a crucial part of letting go of toxins).

As one continues to grow mentally and spiritually each year, our age and bodies age as well, which is the part of my “dislike” of each year passing (who doesnt, right?) But it’s all okay when one has the right mind set. Personally, I’d rather age gracefully as I continue to grow to a higher level of consciousnesses than be stuck in a beautiful body with a depleted sense of self.

And back to….another year shall pass. 2020…wow! As a kid who grew up in the 80s, as a teen in the 90s, the year 2020 seemed unreachable. It sounded so futuristic! Even the thought that I’d be in my early 40s was unheard of in my youth.

I clearly remember graduating college in “2000”, that was my overall goal. I didn’t want 1999 or 2001, I wanted to be the graduate of “2000” since it was sooooo “millenial” back then. Now, it’s just a joke in my head. It was just another year that came right after 1999. In reality, the year 2020, still appeared unreachable, a number that was soooo far away. And we are here, here I am, here you are. It will be another year, another decade, another wrinkle, another unicorn sparkle and another age. I am alive. You are alive because you are reading this. In my deepst darkness moments in life, who would never have imagined how beautiful life can be. If you would have asked me where I’d be in 2020 in the year 2000, I would have laughed at the thought of where I am today. This is life folks, this is a young 40ish female sharing this with you! We have goals and ambitions, if we keep going forward, we will get there, YOU will get there! Life is awesome!

So, onto to the new and out with the old. Happy New Year. Cheers to 2020! I hope all your life goals are made a reality!

Namaste,

Camille, aka #camistar

Imperfect Beauty

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Elongated vines

of her memoir,

Who shall redeem

her feverish essence?

Self-Destructed flesh,

born of contagion,

Hyper-vigilant forefathers…..

A sea shell strolling

along the seven seas,

Meticulously mindless

Swaying along bitter waves,

Mesmerized of her allure,

An enchantment of her Sea,

Only to be entrapped by

her own imperfect beauty…

-Cami*Star

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Her life can be…

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Life can be a bold green, like our current wetlands, or Tangerine Orange like a boquet of Poppies or Mellow-Yellow, while drifting off to sleep,

Tangent-Oranges,

Marmelaid Peelz,

Laughter, smiles

and pains of joy….

Life is not always sugary-sweets and caramel stuffing. 

Life can be gray, like crisp quiet winter evenings, alone in the world. It can be bloody red, boiling senses and heated thoughts. Most dreaded is the world of deep dark clouds. Clouds will get closer and darker until you suffocate. 

Undestined-Tunnels,

Sorrow-Waves,

and deep sink-holes,

Heartach, tears

and melancholy sighs….

Sad girl once read, “Depression

is like a war, you either win or die”

She tells herself, “cheer up butter-cup”. She needs to have an awareness that this is a wave of sadness that needs to be watered. 

Sit is your tears and you will drown in your own death. Run from your tears and it will keep coming back as you keep avoiding the cloud. Sit in your rain, taste it, breath it, meditate with it and it will begin to dissipate. 

Humanity is full of Sunny Days and Cloudy Winters. Seasons can run us high or low. We can either stop and soak in the marmelaid peels or die in the war. 

Which do you choose?

Which will she choose?

Top 10 ways I grew into who I am TODAY

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1. I pray. I pray just about every second of the day. And guess what? My higher power, my Lord, The Universal Laws have NEVER let me down.

2. I read. I cannot go through my day without reading. I read fiction, nonfiction and anything on spirituality. It takes me to another world, it dives into my imagination!

3. I write. I write a minimum of once a day whether it be journaling, poetry or stories. Writing is my therapy. Writing levels me. I have lived without writing and it’s like dark boredom!

5. I have attempted to wean myself from all pharmaceuticals. Our Doctors prescribe, prescribe and prescribe more pills more than ever. One day, I just stopped and it’s funny how all my physical pain just went away.  I used to need to take sleeping pills to sleep, then a pill to wake up, then a pill to stay calm.  I am free from money hungry pill makers and I feel damn good!

6. I wake up thankful for another day. I used to dread waking up. I didn’t want to confront my work day and do the hustle and bustle of the day. It is as simple as being thankful just to be able to open my eyes and have the ability to be alive one more day. It is being grateful.

7. I do NOT take anything personal! Everyone is living their own stories, whatever baggage they carry around is THEIR baggage, not mine! I only take myself personal! It really makes life worth living with a skip in my beat!

8. I live without expectations! I used to have high expectations and had a vision of my future that I wasn’t enjoying what I had right in front of me. Now I live in the present and take life as it comes without any expectations. It is actually fun to have no expectations except to be happy!

9. I take chances. I used to live in fear. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of leaving a miserable job. Just plain fear. It was or is like jumping off a cliff with thoughts that all will be fine regardless if you break a leg or only get scratched up.

10. I woke up. Plain and simple. I am not fogged. My eyes are open, ears are listening and I can breath in the fresh air (what is left of it). I plain and simply enjoy what is right in front of me. If it does not serve my purpose in life, I let it go.

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Namaste,

Cami*Star 2015

Book Review: “The Voice of Knowledge” by Don Miguel Ruiz

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knowledge

Those who follow my blog will know that I am a huge follower of Don Miguel Ruiz.  He is a Nagul, which is a Native group of people who believe in following the “truth” and live a life of love.  Mr. Ruiz in my opinion IS knowledge!  He was born into our Universe just like us, with the parasite constantly trying to bring us to suffer, but he was lucky enough to have had an awakening and found himself.

This book is a great book to read after you read “The Four Agreements”.  I do have a book review on that book as well in the archives.  Once you understand The Four Agreements, this book will make better sense.  The Four Agreements basically gives you an introduction on how to live a life of love and compassion.  This book, “The Voice of Knowledge” goes into finding your true self even deeper!  I highly recommend this book for all individuals to read.  Even if you are not a follower of Mr. Ruiz or even a Spiritualist, this book will open your eyes to ideals that have been embedded into our lives by our parents and society.  Seriously, go pick up your copy today!!

Without giving out too much information, Mr. Ruiz basically states that everything we have learned are all “lies”.  Everything.  And it makes sense.  Even the ideas we have about ourselves are lies!  Once we can overcome and get rid of all the lies in our mind, this is when we can stop all the suffering.  And yes we all suffer!

So, go out and pick up a good summer read!  Your life will change!  To end, below is a quote I pulled out of his book.  He is amazing and is always changing my life (in a good-inner peace manner).

Behind everyone’s story, “everything is love, which means everything and everybody is divine.  You are divine, you are perfect, but as an artist, you create your own story.  And by justifying the story, you are wasting your life”.

Namaste,

Camistar✴

Winter is upon us….

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Winter is upon us.  The winter solstice came upon my family and I so quickly that it felt like we were wearing our summer clothing one day and the next freezing upon the cold chill of the dark night.

I love winter yet despise it.  Winter is a time when families must stay inside due to early and freezing nights.  This is our opportunity to bond with those we live with.  We can make warm soups that sooth our souls or warm tea and chat till our eyes tire with sleepiness.
winter tea

On the other hand, it is a challenging time for us humans or at least for I, because our days are shortened.  I go to work, come home and make dinner for my hungry little hands that sway and feet that pit-pat around my house; by the time I am ready to do something, the dark night has taken over.

I love going outside and breathing in the peace of mother earth; during these dark nights, I cannot do so. I mean, of course, I can put on a sweater and go for a dark chilly walk, but it is not the same.

The light of mother earth that shines upon her bosom always brings peace to my mind.  When the dark sky is lit up, I find it soothing to be alone.  When I have my pit-patters, I would rather they go to dream land where I can enjoy the moon light in my solace with a warm glass of herbs.
moonlight

Friends and foe, embrace this time of closeness.

Hold your kin close as next winter they will be a little taller, a little smarter and little more grown up.

Kiss and love your mate.  Let them bathe you with their warm kisses and hold you as your toes defrost among their warmth.

Most of all, embrace yourself.  You are left alone with your own thoughts as you come inside your dome.  You do not have the business of the world to distract you to whom you are.

Look within yourself to find your beauty-YOUR own beauty that belongs to only you.

We have not a lifetime to enjoy this bonding, but only today and possibly tomorrow.

winter goddess

Yours Truly,

Cami*Star