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Another Year….

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Another year to depart from and say good-bye to, it was fun, it was sad and it was happy! A new year to embark on to renew yourself, to say bye to the old and hello to the new. Are you ready? Are YOU ready? I can’t hear you!! ARE YOU READY!!!!!????? (“ahem” as I clear my thought)

I am READY! LET’S DO THIS! I love new beginnings, it is an ability to begin anew, it’s a fresh start. A new year usually gets us to think, “how can I better myself?” Many create “resolutions” to help them improve their lives, whether it be physically, emotionally or spirtitually. I on the other hand, always strive to better myself, but not with “resolutions”. Years ago, I did create “resolutions”, I lived on that band wagon for a very long time, but I always failed, gave up and then life went on. It’s like, what’s the point? As I’ve moved on to bigger and better things (in my own view), I have ditched what is called “resolutions”! Instead I live a life of what I call a learning curve, a chance to redeem myself, a life of what is meant to be. What I didn’t learn or accomplish last year will be a goal for the upcoming year.

My new year thoughts and wishes are to strive and be one with reality in order to better myself as I climb my life of stairs. Did you read that word….”reality”! REALITY! Living in reality is something all humans need to work on. We do NOT live in yesterday’s mistakes, although our past does open up our minds! We do not live in tomorrow, which is unreachable. BUT, we are alive right here and right now. I’m not going to dig into our current earth, climate and political issues, but those who are reading this, are fully aware of them. We need to stay in today, stay in reality, stay on what is going on now in order to move forward. Enough said.

Do we always climb upwards and never fall or in a real sense fail? Of course not, we are only human. Luckily, we are born covered with thick skin to protect our inner parts. We get scraped, burned and maybe break a bone or two, but do we heal? We always do! You know the saying, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonaide!” This is my motto in life~ I live to make do with what I have, to make do with the current road I am on, I just do it and await for the next page. We can only make our own selves happy right? So, I just do it!

My life is like riding a super long escalator, which is my road to enlightment. We will always climb upwards, but it’s up to you, it’s up to me to keep climbing! Are you ready to climb? Are you ready to get to the next level? I hope so because I love climbing. I have happily come to a point in my life where I can care less about a daily stress or weekly struggle because I know that at the end of the day, it is a learning experience and I can only go up! I have chosen to no longer go down at this point in my life, I’ve been there, done that!

This is exactly why I look forward to new beginnings! I look forward to new chapters, most importantly, I look foward to riding my escalator that is traveling up, “to infinity and beyyyyoooond” as the infamous Buzz Lightyear would say. ……

Does the escalator take us all to the next level of life? Unfortunately, the answer is no and I will fully say I know this from experience! We go up, we stop, we go down and we may fail. I’m sure you know a soul or two who do not seem to grow spiritually or mentally at ALL. Our best intentions is to “want” to help them or slap some sense into them, but at one point or another, we come to the realization that our wanting to help has nothing to do with helping them! When you have moved past the ugly and toxins in our lives, it is so much easier to climb up, but not everyone is “there”. We may think it is easy to get enlightened, but when your down and full of regrets, toxins and maybe even addiction, it may seem IMPOSSIBLE to step onto that esalator.

So, what happens to these souls? The souls we long to help? Nothing. Exactly nothing. Nada. And it is sad to say that we cannot do anything about it. I mean, yeah, we can reah out and attempt to lead them to the light. We can provide our love and compassion, but really, at the end of the day, they must make the choice to heal and to step forward.

Those who are stuck, may stay on their level for years, decades or maybe until their last breath. They will stay where they are until they are ready to move forward, until they are ready to see the truth, until they are ready to open up their weaknesses and let go. We cannot do anything for them (sadly), we cannot force them on the escalator (unfortunately), they must move forward on their own (although I wish it were that easy). They always have the ability to get on the escalator, it never leaves. Ever! When you go to the mall, do you ever see the escaltor move? NO, NEVER! This is the same in our lives, our life escalator never moves, it’s impossible. Remember, always remember that regardless of where you are in life, you always have the choice and chance to get on that escalator to help you move up in your life. Take a chance, make a choice!

Once again, this is why I love new beginnings, which today, I speak on behalf of our upcoming New Year. No matter what has happened yesterday, a year ago or even 20 years ago, you can never go back to that moment, all you can do is go foward. Isn’t that a beautiful reality? I think so!

As the years in my life keep coming up and moving forward over and over again, I have discovered that I have a love-dislike relationship with them! I’m sorry “time”, but I have to be honest with you in order to be honest with myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love riding my escalator each year, it’s fun! I’m like a child in the sense that I get excited as my right foot steps on my escalator with a happy and a giddy feeling of the unknown. What will be upstairs? Will it be a huge candy land that will fill me up with joy? A pink cloud filled with purple unicorns? All of my hopes and dreams ready to engulf me? My innocent self wants to say “yes, yes and yes!”

Unfortunately, my life is not always sugar and spice, but at the end of the day or year in this matter all twists and turns are teachable moments. Each step I’ve taken turns into beauty and this is only because I’m able to let go and let God (a crucial part of letting go of toxins).

As one continues to grow mentally and spiritually each year, our age and bodies age as well, which is the part of my “dislike” of each year passing (who doesnt, right?) But it’s all okay when one has the right mind set. Personally, I’d rather age gracefully as I continue to grow to a higher level of consciousnesses than be stuck in a beautiful body with a depleted sense of self.

And back to….another year shall pass. 2020…wow! As a kid who grew up in the 80s, as a teen in the 90s, the year 2020 seemed unreachable. It sounded so futuristic! Even the thought that I’d be in my early 40s was unheard of in my youth.

I clearly remember graduating college in “2000”, that was my overall goal. I didn’t want 1999 or 2001, I wanted to be the graduate of “2000” since it was sooooo “millenial” back then. Now, it’s just a joke in my head. It was just another year that came right after 1999. In reality, the year 2020, still appeared unreachable, a number that was soooo far away. And we are here, here I am, here you are. It will be another year, another decade, another wrinkle, another unicorn sparkle and another age. I am alive. You are alive because you are reading this. In my deepst darkness moments in life, who would never have imagined how beautiful life can be. If you would have asked me where I’d be in 2020 in the year 2000, I would have laughed at the thought of where I am today. This is life folks, this is a young 40ish female sharing this with you! We have goals and ambitions, if we keep going forward, we will get there, YOU will get there! Life is awesome!

So, onto to the new and out with the old. Happy New Year. Cheers to 2020! I hope all your life goals are made a reality!

Namaste,

Camille, aka #camistar

Imperfect Beauty

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Elongated vines

of her memoir,

Who shall redeem

her feverish essence?

Self-Destructed flesh,

born of contagion,

Hyper-vigilant forefathers…..

A sea shell strolling

along the seven seas,

Meticulously mindless

Swaying along bitter waves,

Mesmerized of her allure,

An enchantment of her Sea,

Only to be entrapped by

her own imperfect beauty…

-Cami*Star

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Erased Disdain

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clouds daylight landscape mont d aveyron

Photo by Thomas Brenac on Pexels.com

Forbidden memories of thee untold,

Why speak of the forgotten when

Lightning already stuck it down?

Yet, one reaction of neurons will

have it appear once more!

Shameful.

Forbidden.

Unlawful.

Enlightened as she unfolded,

To  be who she were to be,

A taste of disdain in her

morning coffee,

ever so bland,

What then?

A realm of once was,

Forgotten pain,

now a light of

Forever blessings,

Shameful.

Forbidden.

Unlawful.

-camistar

 

 

Ten Truth’s…….

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Ten Truth’s you should abide by to get through the reality of life……

Can you handle it? You are the only one who shall abide and know…….

  1. A man will say whatever you want to hear to get in your pants (not a true story as I know reality, but I know of females who have gone through this)
  2. A women will tell you anything you want to hear to keep you beside her (I’ve seen it all)
  3. Kids (your own) will drive you nuts (literally)
  4. Your parents love you unconditionally  (for reals)
  5. Your co-workers are fake (I’ve seen it first hand, but you may find a real one here and there)
  6. Your boss should be your “Best Friend” (or you won’t have a job for long)
  7. Don’t ever complain or make a fuss while at a new job or on “probation” (true story)
  8. Don’t confront, question or yell at a Police Officer, they will gripe you by your balls or ovaries (as seen on social media)
  9. When you think you’re “depressed”, get off your ass because you’re really in a rut (seen by so many)
  10. If you’re truly “depressed”, take your damn happy pills (if you don’t, you’re susceptible to deep depression and suicide)

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Resolutions or Wishes?

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It is upon us.  A New Year.  By the way, Happy New Year to my fellow Bloggers, Writers and Poets!  On that note, my mind is wondering (which it always is), where the idea or term “New Years Resolution” stems from.

What is a New Year without a few “resolutions” or what I call “wishes”.  To me, a “New Years Wish” is the same as creating a mental wish before blowing out your birthday candles. A wish is something you would like or something you would like to work toward.

candlesI do believe when you speak of your wants, needs and “wishes”, they do become more of a reality as you are speaking it out into the Universe.  For example, when you say, “I’m  happy”, your mind really believes it.  The same is for being “sad, dumb or depressed”.  The more you say whatever it is, your mind becomes that particular belief.  This has been discussed in deepness by many Spiritual Authors (i.e. Don Miguel Ruiz) and Scientist are beginning to catch on to this theory.  I mean, everything around us is living, even the air.  So, when you say something whether it is positive or negative, there is a high chance that it shall come to life.

resolutionWith that being said, I shall speak (in this case write, but speaking shall occur) my 2019 New Years Wishes NOT “resolutions”.  Not resolutions?  Why is that?  Well, thanks for asking. I believe the word “resolution(s)” is a silly word to use when attempting to grow positively into a new year.  Where did that word even come from?  Why do we even associate that word with something that is supposed to be positive?  Because I am who I am, I began pondering and questioning why we say “New Years Resolutions”, when in reality, the word “resolution” is a short and factual word.  It means to make a definite decision to complete something or do something with no wiggle worm.  To me, it is more of a negative word because when we say “resolution”, it means we are attempting to solve a “problem” or “dispute” something.

Hmmm….that’s NOT what my New Year’s Wishes are made of.  My wishes come from my heart and soul.  I make wishes not because there is a problem or dispute, but because I either want to grow spiritually, mentally or physically.

aAccording to the Cambridge Dictionary, it states a “New Years Resolution is promise that you make to yourself to start doing something good or stop doing something bad on the first day of the year”

There it is, it is to change something “bad”.  Yes, we are attempting to change “something”, but because I live a positive life, I don’t care much for the negative aspect or definition of using this word.

posI dug deeper because that’s what I do when I’m questioning something.  When you think about it, humanity began on a positive note.  Somewhere on our timeline, humanity moved from positive to “bad”, so this idea of a New Year’s “Resolution” came from some dark root.  But, my question is where?

According to History.com:

  • 4,000 years ago, Ancient Babylonians were the first to make “New Year’s Resolutions” in honor of the new year.   Their “resolutions” were actually “promises” (which is a positive idea) to their Gods to pay their debts and return any objects they had borrowed.
  • In ancient Rome, Julius Caesar messed with the months and established “January 1st” at the beginning of the “new year” around 46B.C.  This was a special day for the Romans as they saw it as looking back into the previous year and moving forward to the future.  They also made “promises” and offered sacrifices to their deity in order to have a good new year.  (another positive idea)
  • In 1790, early Christians made a tradition on January 1st for thinking about one’s past “mistakes” and how to be “better in the future”.  (Okay, here we go.  This is the beginning of the negative thoughts! They (Christians) started the idea of looking at one’s downfalls, their wrongs and mistakes)
  • “New Year’s resolutions today are a mostly secular practice. Instead of making promises to the gods, most people make resolutions only to themselves, and focus purely on self-improvement (which may explain why such resolutions seem so hard to follow through on). According to recent research, while as many as 45 percent of Americans say they usually make New Year’s resolutions, only 8 percent are successful in achieving their goals.”

And there we have it! The term/word/thought, “resolution” was born around 1790.  I am rejecting this negative connotation because I can!  I fathom negative thoughts because I know that negativity is like a virus and if I can help it, I will stray from that virus.

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My New Years Wishes are simple.  I always try to stick to three, it is a number that is simply to reach.

  1.  To become more environmentally conscious in all areas of my life
  2. To become healthier.  To me that means eating food that will not only benefit me, but also my children, my husband and the environment.  It also means becoming more physically active, so I can keep my heart and blood flowing.
  3. To write more.  With my busy life, I lack on my writing hobby.  When I do write, I honestly feel more connected to who I really am.  It empowers me.  It is something that I cannot explain.

Cheers to a New and positive New Year!

-Cami*Star 2019

 

Parasite Mind….

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I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Your mind can be your worse enemy”.

I sit here re-writing this idea. I sit here re-thinking this idea. This idea is easily forgotten in our chaotic lives.

An author who really stands out to me in regards to this topic is Don Miguel Ruiz.  He writes spiritual books on releasing negative thinking to the positive .  In his Native Mexican tribe, they say the mind is programmed by our society.  We are born a blank slate.

So, the main question is, how did we begin all these negative thoughts?  How did our humanity begin to talk negatively to ourselves?

Society!

In a judgmental society, he says our minds are a “parasite” and we must fight it off.  But this is not realized until we are conscious.  We need to wake up!  Wake up to reality.  Wake up to our own well being!  Wake up to truth!

Television, radio and the internet tell us we cannot be happy unless we have this or that.  Our parents, guardians, caretakers and teachers may speak to us using negative comments.  These negative words flow into our minds and infect our minds exactly like a parasite (Don Miguel Ruiz).

When someone you look up to says, “try harder”, “be better”, “why can’t you do it”, what do you think happens to that blank slate of ours as we grow up?  You got it right, it taints the mind into thinking that you can’t do things right.  Then comes a commercial that says, “if you want to get it right…buy (blank)”.  There you have it.  It’s very simple.  Simple if you are fully aware of this.  Sadly, the majority of humans are not.

I’m tired of it.

I’m personally tired of my own negative thoughts and ideas.  But, I am ever so grateful that I am able to catch myself and redirect my own thoughts.  But it is damn hard!  But I see other people who cannot stop it!  It’s so sad!

This is exactly why I do not watch much T.V. The commercials will bring you down to the ground.

I hope you can bring a positive conscious mindset to your lives.  Stop reading about all the things you need to be happy.  Stop watching commercials that tell you to buy certain things, so you’ll be happy.

Just stop!

Tell yourself you can do it!  Love yourself.  Most importantly, watch what you say to the young ones.

-Cami-Star

#parasites

7.28.17

 

 

Another day older….

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Another day older…another year wiser. This is my reality.  I never would have ever imagined getting to be 41 years old. This number had been so foreign to my young mind. 

Now that I’m here, it’s all that it’s pumped up to be. Yes, I’ve hit that mark where I can care less about my birthday. 

Why? For one, I have young kids. And they come first. My joy is their joy. It’s not that I don’t matter anymore, but my essence is them!

As much as I cringe at this 40-something age, I have no choice, but to embrace it. I know I am welcoming wrinkles, grey hair and lower energy levels, but with it comes an increase of awareness of life. I feel great having the wisdom I did not have in my 20s and 30s. It is a beautiful nuisance, but I prefer it over my young feeble minded self. 

I can embrace the beauty of innocence. My innocent children will never know the mental struggles I went through when I was young. And that brings me happiness. The beauty they see brings me happiness. 

That is all that matters when it becomes another day older, another day wiser. 

-camistar.com

“Americanality”

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“Americanality”, an urban word I describe of “what is”.  I no longer live in America. America is what I was born into, a world that was full of hope. My America is now morphing into a world of physical and mental toxicity.

Americanality-Noun: A country built on bleeding blood. A country built on immigration. A country that fought for “the people”. A country that slowly woke up and fought for equal rights among race, class and gender.

Americanality-Verb: A country of people who can be grouped into different thought processes. Most people are either humanists or inhumane. Humanists have an interest to pursue and educate ourselves and others with knowledge in order to not make the same mistakes from our past. We want to grow to a higher level of thinking in order to help ourselves and the world. It is having concern for the well being of others and the world we live in. 

The latter is the opposite. It is greed by putting fortunes and wealth before the well being of humans. It is digging up death no matter the cost (i.e. oil). It is racism.  It is watching a group of racists march, join and shout “white power”, but what does that even mean? “White” is a color, NOT a race or culture. 

Americanality is today. It is the year 2016 up to 2020. Many humans have fought and died for equal rights. Susan B. Anthony fought for the rights for women to vote. And look at who women voted for in our Trump vs. Hillary election!? This is why, in my eyes, America is no longer America today, it is now “Americanality”.

How could a sane, conscious women vote for a womanizing man? A man who does not have respect for the female gender. It is an insult to the women who fought for our voting rights! A disgusting insult!

We all know the story of the famous Mr. King who fought for equal rights, peace and justice among people of color. Or better yet, for all humans who were socially and economically disadvantaged. During his time period, he stood up and resisted all hate and racism that affected humanity. He empowered each soul who suffered. Today, no matter what race, class, gender or color you are, you can go to school, get a college education, you can sit on a bus and you can go everywhere and anywhere! Sadly, things may change. 

On a positive note, there are many of us “Americans” who are consciously aware of what is going on.  We can resist the toxic ways our society is going toward. As long as you read and always check your facts, you will be okay. 

Educate yourself and your kin because four years can be as long or as short as reality allows.  

My “Americanality” can and will go back to America, but we the people have a lot of work to clean up. 




Be The Revolution!

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​”Viva La Revolucion in Ustados Unidos 2016″

Today in the year 2016, I never thought I would be living through this chaos. Can you believe it? I absolutely cannot! It is unreal.  We have “Black lives matter” only because our police racially profile. Today Native Americans are being brutalized all because they are trying to continue to protect their sacred land as well as everyone’s drinking water (unreal).  You can talk to almost all Americans protesting the president-elect Mr. Donald Trump. We read about the KKK (what the hell is going on?!) protesting white power. It is beyond unbelievable. I feel like I’m in a nightmare awaiting to be awoken. It is beyond fearful for what tomorrow may become.

As a child of the 80s, I grew up in a lower to middle class world. I did not know what “the struggle” was as I always had a roof, food, clothing and an education. The biggest thing I had was a working mother who taught me what her and her family went through in the 1950 and 60s. My dad grew up in East L.A. and he spoke of the walk-outs and how proud we should be to be Mexican American. But around me, I never saw hate. Was I sheltered? Or was I just being a kid unaware of reality?

As a latchkey child, I knew how to be independent, which helped me get through college. It is when I was in college when I awakened. I finally learned what the real world was made of. I read about women equality issues, racial segregation to political corruption. My eyes and ears opened. My life would never be the same. It was like walking through a door to another universe.

I swam through the high and low tides of our ocean while doing what I can as an activist for human rights. I happily sat at N.O.W. (National Organization of Women) meetings while brainstorming how to educate our world on women’s rights. I spent weekends in Needles, Ca. on an Indian Reservation protesting the government on them taking their land (again). 
Then, I had kids and did not have the time to do the footwork of an activist, but what I have done, is teach my daughter’s what the real world is. They know of the political corruption and how to treat everyone equally regardless of their race, class or gender. Today, I am not afraid to speak on behalf of my own personal rights in regards to my race, gender or employment. 

My biggest revolution today is to make sure all kids with special needs have equal access to a free and appropriate education. Everyone has a different agenda, but regardless of your agenda, of all days, of all years, this is NOT the time to sit and be quiet. 

One of my favorite quotes comes from Dante, “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality”. Today we are living what will be written in future history books. 

Speak up!

Yell!

Talk!

Spread knowledge!

Fight the corruption or it WILL fight you down to the ground! 

Blotch of a Day

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I’m looking forward to tomorrow. A new day. A new sun. New air. New light. I just want a new day. Like today was a fucken blotch and I can’t wait for a retry, like when you lose on PAC-Man, you get two more chances and then you die. Except, I won’t die, I’ll just wake-up and have another try.

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