Tag Archives: Family

Thanksgiving

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As Americanos, we have been celebrating the day of thanks or what we call “Thanksgiving”.  This day means so much more than what the media portrays it as, but I’m sure you already know that false lie.

“Thanksgiving” is not about Pilgrims and Natives coming together to unite.  That whole ideal has been thrown out into the trash as we awakened to realize what really happened.

“Thanksgiving” is not about Black Friday and all the deals you are looking forward too.  That is consumerism at its best!

“Thanksgiving” is a day of giving thanks to all that we have.  It is being grateful for the little things such as your child’s laugh and their silly frustrations.  It is being thankful for your health and a simple smile shone your way.

Below are ten reasons why I live, why I love and why I continue to thrive……

  1.  My 16 year old who is intelligent, an Anime nerd and my witty daughter.  She is my first born and awakened me to what love truly is.   When I look back at the days when she was born, I was so young yet I matured once she entered my world.  She has taught me internal patience and unconditional love.  I have 16 years of beautiful memories that can never be replaced!
  2. My 7 year old who is funny, intelligent and motivated to learn!  She has taught me to live free and how to enjoy the little things in life.  I was much older when she came into my life and it was a bit of a struggle, but I overcame my struggles and it made me a stronger female.  She is the light of the family that can bring my stress down in a second!
  3. My husband. Being married is a fairy tale mixed with reality.  He is my other half and I’m so grateful for all that he does for my daughters and I.  He has taught me that no matter what happens, he is my forever and who can not be grateful for that?!
  4. My Mother.  She is a fighter!  She has fought against addiction, cancer and other health problems.  She continues to keep going, which I’m so grateful for! I have so many beautiful memories of her helping mold me as a child!
  5. My Brother.  He has been such a help to me as I was a single mother and even now as I’m married.  How can I not be grateful for him, when he helps watch my little one (his youngest niece)! He even helps clean my house while he awaits to pick up the little one. At the end of the day, I’m grateful that he is probably one of the only souls who knows the true me.
  6. My Father.  He is smiling down from heaven and has left his legacy of his intelligence, his wit and his love of great music!  Although he struggled with addiction, he never lost the love he had for his children!  His hand and his heart was always open and he was always there for me whether it was to pay for college or just a much needed hug!
  7. My career.  I love, love, love teaching and I cannot say how thankful I am for having the ability to do what I do.  Some people live their lives working miserably.  Some work hard for years and years only to make pennies.  I have been blessed to have everything wrapped into my career!  I can only thank my internal will to get through college.  At times, I wonder how the heck I did it, but I did and I loved every moment of it.  College was honestly one of the best experiences of my life.  I grew internally and learned so much during those years.  It made me happy to see how proud it made my Dad while I went through college.  And it obviously all paid off!
  8.  My God.  There are many, many people who understands who and what “God” is all about.  I am grateful that I have always had a relationship with my God and he/she has always been by my side.  If you have a true relationship with your God, you understand and comprehend that love.  I can share a few stories with you where I put all my faith in God when I had nothing physically or emotionally and I’ve ALWAYS, ALWAYS, been taken care of!  There are not enough thank you’s for my beautiful God!
  9. My Grandma Moralez. She was such a great Grandmother.  She loved all of her grandchildren, but I truly feel we had a special relationship due to my particular teen upbringing.  She took me in, she guided me, she was patient, she was funny, loving and a great cook!  I love her so much that it truly still hurts that she departed to heaven.  I’m beyond grateful for her for stepping up and helping me through my high school years.  She taught me how to cook, clean and most importantly, how to live a life with morals and how to give all negativity to God.
  10. Last, but not least, I’m ever so grateful for each student and school/teacher friends who have come and gone throughout my life!  I began teaching as a young adult whilst learning who I was.  I’ve grown into the person I am because of all those little and big students.  Each one of them has taught me something even when it was nothing.  Not only that, but there have been so many positive people I’ve met who stamped their knowledge onto my soul.  I have a few of my school/teacher friends who I still talk to and have become life friends with!  A few of my high school adult students still keep in contact with me.  Now, that is gratefulness at its finest!

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Golden Tear

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​A golden tear fell…..

Not of sadness, Nor pain,

But of the deep love I have for you. My family. My knit. 

You. My savior. My Godmother.

My blood. I’ve missed you. 

My father’s sister. My Nina. My Tia. The sister my father loved dearly. The brother you loved. 

It was like a mix of a moment with a whirlwind of the past. 

……..until we meet again

-Camillle

 

Strong are WE

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I am not white,

but lightly caramel,

I am not brown,

but lightly washed out,

I was born into a world of confusion,

If you are not white,

you are not right,

If you are not brown,

you are drowned out,

I scream out to my cultura,

Wanting festivities,

Elotes y chile’,

I want mi lengua tan linda!

Lost in translation,

We are the forgotten,

The beaten,

The raped…..

“They’ve” ruined our cultura,

Ideals y lengua.

They want us out,

Yet we are the glue 

of the lost!

Stand together.

Unite.

Fight are “WE”,

Warriors of Mexicas,

Indias y Mestizos.

We are the Brown,

The caramel,

The light eyes of “them”,

Take us back to our

Roots,

Our cultura,

Keep us strong,

United,

Strong are WE.

Strong is he,

Strong is she,

STRONG ARE WE!

Dedicated to my Grandma (Helen Atencio (Moralez) who is closer to Native blood than I. A native of Colorado. She was a true warrior. A fighter. But also a true example of a women who lost her culture. She was born to parents who spoke Spanish, but in the early 1900s, she was not allowed to speak it as she would have been scorned. Her family was already living in Colorado when it was Mexico. During the Mexican American War, her father was very light skinned and they were able to stay in their homeland after Mexico lost to the Americans. I remember her telling me this story when I asked her why “we didn’t speak Spanish”. Her father couldn’t speak Spanish, so he wouldn’t be kicked out, hence my Grandmother never knew the language. My mother obviously was not taught the language and then comes me, not being taught the language or culture. 

It’s truly a sad story that is still happening today.


Sour Words

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She is the flesh of her blood,
Baked until brown awaiting,
a lifetime of words of slating,

Sour words spewed, mixed
and heated with a pungent
taste that will take you
straight to your knees,

The flesh of his parted
soul gave her
warmheartedness
to battle life’s abomination,

Every word.
Syllable.
Letter.
Vowel flow in and out
her canals drowning in
each hair follicle,

Chopped with heated veins,
her beautiful curls fall
to the ground.
Lifeless.
Gone.

Able to walk away with a
new do,
she smiles,
thanking her fallen souls
for her strong heart,

Stomping on the floor
with her sharpened heals.
She smiles.
She is full of life.
Never allowing her
sour words to beat her down!

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Hugs to all those souls
who have dysfunctional
family members in
there lives!

-Cami-Star 2016

My Veteran Familia

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The story of my Veteran Familia. 

We all know the courageous stories of men and women fighting in wars.  They are our heroes, our dependable, hard-working members of our American society.   And I am every so proud to be able to say that many of the men in my family have served our county.

During WWI, WWII, Vietnam and the Korean wars, Men would leave their families to fight in a war for our independence while families not being guaranteed that their husbands, fathers or brothers would come back.  If that isn’t courageous, I don’t know what is.

My own Mejico familia struggled deeply with life in the military. My familias roots are from Mexico. One way or another they made their lives in Los Angeles, California.

During WWII my Papa (Dad’s Dad) fought in the army. I don’t know all the gruesome details as I was not old enough to have had a chance to ask him questions. What I do know is that in combat, he lost his nose. He had to have plastic surgery to create a new nose.

At 8 years old, he was the first person in my life that was torn from me. In my innocent eyes, he was my savior, my hero, my Papa. I remember my family taking him to the hospital, but didn’t exactly know why. In the summers, he would take care of my brother and I. Those days are so clear, with memories of riding in the back of his big station wagon with his floor covered with NyQuil bottles.

The connection came later in my teens. He had PTSD.  As a society, we unfortunately do not acknowledge the psychological damage war has on our fighters.

My Papa functioned, but he was so scarred from the war that he was a silent alcoholic. I later found out why they would rush him to the hospital. He had become so violent in his drunken states that they would take him to a hospital to be restrained and probably given sedatives.

The story is that once I was born (I was the first grandchild), he promised to stop drinking. And he did. I miss him to this day. I’m so grateful for his bravery of a family man to take care of his family even though I’m sure he was internally suffering. I’m so grateful he stood up to fight for America even though he was a Mexican citizen.  Did you hear that? Yes, he was born in Mexico and I’m not exactly sure if he came here legally or not, but he had a green card (from what my family has told me) and he fought for us, the American people!  His own mother did not even speak English or Spanish!  She spoke Nahuatl from what my Dad had told me.  Take that Mexican hater #45!

He fought in WWII, he was scarred for life, but as a child, I never heard him complain once!  On the other side of the coin, I never heard him speak of him servicing in the Army at all. I just want to hug him one more time and tell him that he never suffered alone!  But as we know, our Vets do not always get the best treatment, which is a sad reality.  Worse, my Papa’s generation was very “machismo” and men were really not allowed to be “weak” and seek help.

I want to give him one more kiss on the cheek and tell him he was my hero for more than one reason.

He was a MEXICAN man carrying a green card and an American Hero!

Happy Veterans Day to all the men and women who have fought for our independence!

Cheers to my Mejico familia:

My Papa, Joe Ruiz fought in WWII:
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My late Uncle, Louise Ruiz (Dad’s brother) served in the Navy during the Korean War.  He sadly committed suicide on a Navy boat at the age of 18-19.  Apparently, having to deal with his own father’s mental illness (PTSD) and then having to deal with the high expectations of being in the Navy during the Korean war, he couldn’t take it and he jumped off his Navy boat.  I sadly never had the chance to meet him.  Just as I send a heavenly hug to my Papa (his father), I send a hug to my late Uncle Louis.  Thank you for having the courage to join the Navy and fight for our American Independence!

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Next in line was my own Father, Stephen Ruiz.  Now, think about his family history so far.  His father had PTSD from WWII, his brother committed suicide during the Korean War and he still had the courage to be taken to the Army.  Right after high school, he was drafted, which was during the Vietnam War.   They sent him off to Vietnam and he did share some of his stories with me.  He was in the middle of combat.  He saw some of his buddies go down.  He partied, he met “women”, but in the little amount of time he was in combat, I could only imagine how that affected his Psyche.

My Nana (his mother) must have been distraught with the fact that her only son was alive and was in the middle of combat.   She ended up writing a letter to the President requesting to have my drafted Dad not fight in the actual war because she already had a husband who had PTSD and lost her oldest son (above) while in the Navy. They agreed and sent him to Germany to protect the Nuclear plants.  Even though my father was drafted, he went and fought.  Thank you to my Dad for serving in the Army and fighting for our Independence.  I of course send a million hugs to my Dad!

My Ruiz family had courage despite their internal struggles! My father survived the affects of the wars within his own family.  He struggled with his own internal demons, which at the end of the day, they did take over.  He numbed himself with alcohol.  As a Vet, he was taken care of as far as medical costs, but I truly feel that our Govt. does not take the effect of War seriously.  He was not screened for PTSD despite his families background and his own eyes of battle.

Battle wounds not only effect the Vet, but it is a family affair.

dad

 

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On my Mothers side, my Grandpa, Jesus Moralez fought in WWII.  He survived.  Thank you Grandpa for your service!

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My Uncle Art Moralez was in the Army during Vietnam War (Mom’s brother).  I don’t know if he was drafted, but he obviously served.  Thank you Uncle Art for your service!

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My Uncle JR (Mom’s youngest brother) was in the Navy.
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Clearly, I have both sides of my family who served!  Happy Veterans Day to you and to all the Vets.  Thank you for your service!!!

(Revised November 2018)

Written by the daughter, granddaughter and niece of these wonderful Vets. Camille Ruiz aka Cami*Star. 

Winter is upon us….

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Winter is upon us.  The winter solstice came upon my family and I so quickly that it felt like we were wearing our summer clothing one day and the next freezing upon the cold chill of the dark night.

I love winter yet despise it.  Winter is a time when families must stay inside due to early and freezing nights.  This is our opportunity to bond with those we live with.  We can make warm soups that sooth our souls or warm tea and chat till our eyes tire with sleepiness.
winter tea

On the other hand, it is a challenging time for us humans or at least for I, because our days are shortened.  I go to work, come home and make dinner for my hungry little hands that sway and feet that pit-pat around my house; by the time I am ready to do something, the dark night has taken over.

I love going outside and breathing in the peace of mother earth; during these dark nights, I cannot do so. I mean, of course, I can put on a sweater and go for a dark chilly walk, but it is not the same.

The light of mother earth that shines upon her bosom always brings peace to my mind.  When the dark sky is lit up, I find it soothing to be alone.  When I have my pit-patters, I would rather they go to dream land where I can enjoy the moon light in my solace with a warm glass of herbs.
moonlight

Friends and foe, embrace this time of closeness.

Hold your kin close as next winter they will be a little taller, a little smarter and little more grown up.

Kiss and love your mate.  Let them bathe you with their warm kisses and hold you as your toes defrost among their warmth.

Most of all, embrace yourself.  You are left alone with your own thoughts as you come inside your dome.  You do not have the business of the world to distract you to whom you are.

Look within yourself to find your beauty-YOUR own beauty that belongs to only you.

We have not a lifetime to enjoy this bonding, but only today and possibly tomorrow.

winter goddess

Yours Truly,

Cami*Star