Boring is so
Let’s run wild
in the rain
A whilst jumping
Don’t love me,
Hate me for
everything you’re not ….
I constantly read poems on how one would keep going back to their lovers even after their heart was broken. All for one more kiss. One more hug. One more chance. Fuck that. You break my heart and you’re screwed. I will keep going forward and never look back.
Like the typical saying goes (with my twist). Hurt me once, shame on YOU, Hurt me twice, shame on ME, Hurt me a third time, it’s my damn fault for even allowing a third and now my heart is cold as ice.
It’s all about respecting yourself. Respect yourself enough to not allow another human being to hurt you.
I feel so lost in this world. It’s like I was born in the wrong era or Universe. I just don’t get people’s hate and anger. It’s baffling to me.
But it’s not just that. I feel so deeply. My heart and soul feels everything! But it just seems like I’m the only one who is like this. I mean, instead of loving thoughts, I get hurtful and annoying words thrown at me. But instead of throwing rocks back, I just stand my ground and then my positive behavior is oblivious to on lookers.
And then there’s the whole part where I am so open to love. But people have walls up (and yes I do too, but those walls only go up if I get hurt).
What world do I belong in?
It just seems like not this one….
One of my favorite bands is “Metallica”. Their words have always linked there way into my life. I am a lover of life and one part of that is music.
Today, I am on a high of music. It gets me going. It gets me through life.
But, this one particular song, has brightened the light bulb today. I was blaring my music this morning as I rest. Yes, rest on a Tuesday. Who does that, right? Well, me, because I fractured my foot this weekend.
These are moments that I cherish. Even though I am in physical pain, it has led me to my music as I have the time. More importantly, it brought upon a great thought!
I was laying on my back, foot raised to decrease the swelling, while I sang my heart out. What better thing to do, to distract the pain, right?
In my shuffle, came “One”, by Metallica! I never really linked these words, but today, it meant something to me. Something powerful. Something real.
Composers of the song, James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich bring these words into my brain and I have an epiphany. In the middle of the song, I blare and sing (scream more like):
“Darkness, imprissoning me,
all that I see, absolute horror,
I cannot live, I cannot die,
trapped in myself,
body my holding my cell”.
WOW! Just WOW! Those are some deep words. Words that held me captive for many years. That horror that you do not want to live. The horror that your mind and soul are holding you captive, yet you do not have the courage to actually end your life.
“Landmine has taken my sight,
taken my speech,
taken my hearing,
taken my arms,
taken my legs,
taken my soul”
And here I am realizing that I overcame that darkness! No one, I mean NO ONE can take my happiness away today. I had to learn the hard way. I learned by feeling like I was in that land mind. People get carried away with life. People will walk into that land mind and get trapped. Trapped into hating themselves, hating others and life sucks.
Well, we can all escape. And I am not afraid to tell you that I escaped. I will never go back there. Yes, we all get trampled every once in a while, but that does not mean you have to stay.
Life is not perfect. Everyone will walk into a landmine, but it is your choice whether to stay and make yourself suffer or to run. Run, run, run. Run away and go as far as you can!
It is true.
Walking into a landmine can kill you. But will you stay? Will you allow yourself to die because you are to weak to get up and walk away? I am not! I will not allow myself to stay stuck. I am a bigger and better person today.
I hope you are too!
fighting that dark cloud,
when smiles are on your face,
fighting the tears that roll,
when you see nature’s beauty,
fighting the pull of darkness,
when all you want to do is fly,
fly, fly-high to the sky,
running from the thump in your heart,
when joy rushes through you,
running from the dark cloud,
when the rainbow is close by,
running away from the bay,
when all you see are ray’s today,
run, run, run away today!
No need to run,
you are the sun,
dark shall abide,
when the dark sky rides,
tomorrow is here,
rays are forever,
deep in here!!
Always be free.