I lay in physical pain, wanting to get up,
wanting to run and dance in the rain,
That night was a blast,
but its brought me to my dark past.

In my dark past,

I brought life, to a beauty!
Golden hair, creamed colored when bare.
She brings me joy, laughter and love.
But when I was alone, it was all despair.

The maker ran away,
The fear of, WHO KNOWS WHAT?
I took the ante and went with it, SO WHAT?
Nine months of fear of what was NEAR!
I CAN DO THIS! NOTHING TO FEAR!

Time went to fast,
as it is all just a blur,

This was my CHOICE!

The punches I felt, inside and out,
She was ready to show,
To show this world, what I am all about!
Strongness will lead me, I SHALL DEFEAT!
I am a WARRIOR, INSIDE AND OUT!

She arrived with joy in my eyes,
but I was left alone, the maker has not shone!
I can do this! I will! I can be!
The best women left alone,
But the pain in this heart,
shall subside!

Sewn up, laying in bed,
She’s tearing up and
I cannot even get up,
because I feel like I’m dead!

All alone, alone in my bed,
Don’t feel sorry for yourself,
You are much more than THAT!

I am fighting the physical pain,
Pills popped in, Yeah, I was feeling pretty numb!
But I love her so much,
But I ask, “what have I done?”,
All night, with no one in sight.

I am used to this,
Used to this, my whole life,
Alone, whether there are people around or not.
But, it’s okay, I have nothing to hide!

I arrived home, pained to move an inch,
All alone, I wonder, “how did I cope”?
One pill, two pill, three!
No more physical pain, and my EMOTIONS ARE FREE!

Here I lay, three years later,
back to that pain!
I guess I did not heal, because it is beginning to rain!
Physically it hurt, but I will survive,
Aloneness, I can do this,
I just want to run and hide!

I want to hide in a rock,
a rock that will take all pain away,
But here I lay, raw!
Raw to the bone,

I am raw in flesh and in soul,
feeling alone, while trying NOT to fall!

GET UP CAMI! GET UP NOW!
NO ONE will take care of YOU!
Except YOU and YOU ALONE!

I shall heal from this physical pain,
But today, the Band-Aid fell off
And I just need to PRAY!

Pray to my God for peace to “BE”,
Pray to my God, to release all pain,
Pray to my God, that as I share,
you will take it all away!!

**This was written in June 2014.  Five months have passed since this moment in time.  That is all it was.  A “moment in time”.