A Moment of Pain….

I lay in physical pain, wanting to get up,
wanting to run and dance in the rain,
That night was a blast,
but its brought me to my dark past.

In my dark past,

I brought life, to a beauty!
Golden hair, creamed colored when bare.
She brings me joy, laughter and love.
But when I was alone, it was all despair.

The maker ran away,
The fear of, WHO KNOWS WHAT?
I took the ante and went with it, SO WHAT?
Nine months of fear of what was NEAR!

Time went to fast,
as it is all just a blur,

This was my CHOICE!

The punches I felt, inside and out,
She was ready to show,
To show this world, what I am all about!
Strongness will lead me, I SHALL DEFEAT!

She arrived with joy in my eyes,
but I was left alone, the maker has not shone!
I can do this! I will! I can be!
The best women left alone,
But the pain in this heart,
shall subside!

Sewn up, laying in bed,
She’s tearing up and
I cannot even get up,
because I feel like I’m dead!

All alone, alone in my bed,
Don’t feel sorry for yourself,
You are much more than THAT!

I am fighting the physical pain,
Pills popped in, Yeah, I was feeling pretty numb!
But I love her so much,
But I ask, “what have I done?”,
All night, with no one in sight.

I am used to this,
Used to this, my whole life,
Alone, whether there are people around or not.
But, it’s okay, I have nothing to hide!

I arrived home, pained to move an inch,
All alone, I wonder, “how did I cope”?
One pill, two pill, three!
No more physical pain, and my EMOTIONS ARE FREE!

Here I lay, three years later,
back to that pain!
I guess I did not heal, because it is beginning to rain!
Physically it hurt, but I will survive,
Aloneness, I can do this,
I just want to run and hide!

I want to hide in a rock,
a rock that will take all pain away,
But here I lay, raw!
Raw to the bone,

I am raw in flesh and in soul,
feeling alone, while trying NOT to fall!

NO ONE will take care of YOU!
Except YOU and YOU ALONE!

I shall heal from this physical pain,
But today, the Band-Aid fell off
And I just need to PRAY!

Pray to my God for peace to “BE”,
Pray to my God, to release all pain,
Pray to my God, that as I share,
you will take it all away!!

**This was written in June 2014.  Five months have passed since this moment in time.  That is all it was.  A “moment in time”.
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