Category Archives: Blogging on Thoughts

Soul Blogging

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There are many different types of humans in this world. I have met lovers of life, liars and those who are stuck in their own darkness. But the individuals we can really see are those who we are intimate with. Intimacy breaks down all walls and we can see their whole soul.

I have to say, throughout my adulthood, regardless of what one may have or have not gone through, I have the utmost respect for the soul that can look at one person and be only about that one person.

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That soul is me, but I already respect myself and maybe this is why I respect individuals who can be monogamous.

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I feel like we only have one life, we should enjoy it to our fullest potential(s). And when we meet someone we connect with, why not enjoy it and take the beautiful ride?

Not all humans believe in this way of life, but maybe one day, they’ll wake up and see how beautiful one soul can be for them, especially the one soul they connect with.

Until then, the soul that walks next to me is the soul I respect. That soul will get the deepest love I can offer because tomorrow is never promised, so I shall live for today!

Namaste,

Cami*Star 2015

A comedic moment

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**Adult Content

A comedic moment that ended up turning into something that was a collaborative free flow short session.

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Driving to their nightly destination, engulfed in simple small talk, she thinks of the night they had a week ago and the story is told as such:
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
She lightly said with a poetic beat in her voice:

We walked down a dark alley, This time we’re in a dark city”

He happily and rhymingly responded with:

“and you went down on ME!!”

And she thought, “huh” “what” “where did THAT come from” as they both laughed it off”

Comedic conversations are the best!

Top 10 ways I grew into who I am TODAY

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1. I pray. I pray just about every second of the day. And guess what? My higher power, my Lord, The Universal Laws have NEVER let me down.

2. I read. I cannot go through my day without reading. I read fiction, nonfiction and anything on spirituality. It takes me to another world, it dives into my imagination!

3. I write. I write a minimum of once a day whether it be journaling, poetry or stories. Writing is my therapy. Writing levels me. I have lived without writing and it’s like dark boredom!

5. I have attempted to wean myself from all pharmaceuticals. Our Doctors prescribe, prescribe and prescribe more pills more than ever. One day, I just stopped and it’s funny how all my physical pain just went away.  I used to need to take sleeping pills to sleep, then a pill to wake up, then a pill to stay calm.  I am free from money hungry pill makers and I feel damn good!

6. I wake up thankful for another day. I used to dread waking up. I didn’t want to confront my work day and do the hustle and bustle of the day. It is as simple as being thankful just to be able to open my eyes and have the ability to be alive one more day. It is being grateful.

7. I do NOT take anything personal! Everyone is living their own stories, whatever baggage they carry around is THEIR baggage, not mine! I only take myself personal! It really makes life worth living with a skip in my beat!

8. I live without expectations! I used to have high expectations and had a vision of my future that I wasn’t enjoying what I had right in front of me. Now I live in the present and take life as it comes without any expectations. It is actually fun to have no expectations except to be happy!

9. I take chances. I used to live in fear. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of leaving a miserable job. Just plain fear. It was or is like jumping off a cliff with thoughts that all will be fine regardless if you break a leg or only get scratched up.

10. I woke up. Plain and simple. I am not fogged. My eyes are open, ears are listening and I can breath in the fresh air (what is left of it). I plain and simply enjoy what is right in front of me. If it does not serve my purpose in life, I let it go.

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Namaste,

Cami*Star 2015

One Positive Day

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How about for one day, we just stop bashing one another! I’m so sick and tired of hearing and reading about hateful words. All these humans in the world complain about x,y, and z, but they don’t realize they’re part of the problem!

I’m so serious! I would love for everyone to be positive just for one day. For example, instead of caring what celebrities look like without make-up, instead give them props to be able to be themselves in a judgmental world. Or instead of saying how fat a guy/girl is, maybe finding something beautiful about them. The biggest one is, instead of complaining how jacked up your life is, how about looking at all your blessings. I mean, c’mon, you’re alive, right?

Our world, your world, your sense of well-being will NEVER change unless you change your thoughts!

I don’t get why this idea isn’t even taught in school’s! Instead, kids are taught to rat out their bullies. How about working with these bullies, giving them some spiritual guidance instead of suspending them.

Our whole system is backward thinking. We don’t try to help anyone be better humans, instead we bash, bash, bash. We imprison the souls who are suffering and they only come out worse! We don’t reward college grads with awesome jobs, instead we kill them (including myself) with student loans only to become enslaved to money.

All these single mom’s in our world don’t get high fives, instead they get criticized and made to feel guilty because they are doing it alone instead of doing it with a partner ( which is some kinda great thing in our society). Instead we reward married couples who stay together for the sake of their kin when in reality they may be miserable. Geesh!

Let’s break these backward thoughts and ideas! Let’s move to a new world! A world that is full of positive radiance. Where everyone is beautiful and nothing is ugly.

I know, I know, wishful thinking, but maybe, maybe one day before I leave mother earth we will move closer to love rather than hate.

Who knows.

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A Cultured Christmas is…

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A Mexican American Christmas is……..
Tamales for days, days of making tamales, never getting tired of Masa, which is a dough made from corn flour. Tamales come twice a year, Christmas is one.

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It is pan dulce con cafe.  Sugar, more sugar and more sugar with a hint of caffeine.  Conchas. My favorite-empenadas. Pan is bread, Dulce is sugar. What a sweat treat to eat on a chilly-holiday night.

It is champarado, hot and sweet warming our cold tums. It is our chocolate fix with sugar and tamales. It is kid coffee. I heart champarado.

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It is hot soups. Sopita. Sopa. Warm soups for days. Cocido. Menudo. Posole. Caldo de Res. Yum for days.

It is family. Brothers, Sisters, Uncles, Tio’s,Aunts, Tia’s, Nina’s, Nino’s, Grandparents, Great Grandparents, Cousins, Cousins kids. It is a mirage of a huge tribe.

It is Jesus, the son of God. It is saying thank you for being born. It is the Virgin Mary or Our Lady of Guadalupe for giving us our savior.

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It is midnight mass. Catholic lives. Christianity. It is all about being thankful.  It is thanking our Angels and Saints.

It is Christmas Trees. Trees with homemade ornaments. Momento ornaments. Pictures. New Mexico ornaments. Mexican décor.

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It is wine. Liquor. Laughs. Drinking. Beers. Cerveza. Vino. It is waking up with a hangover. Or not. Orale.

It is mainly speaking English with a few self taught Spanish word. It is not truly being Mexican yet not whole American. It is mainly being off the grid.

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It is moca skin, Latina/o blood, spicy attitudes, loud voices, shy personas. Curves. Tall, Short, Dark and Handsome, Beautiful.

A Mexican American Christmas is all I know. I would never change it for anything in the world! I could never live without mi tamales y champarado. I survive on café con pandulce.

I am a mixture of mi familias blood with Azteca, Mexican, and Spaniard. I am the coffee that has more milk than coffee. I am the girl who white people assume I speak Spanish and Mexicans who hate me because I’m not fluent in Spanish.

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Thank you to my ancestors who have kept our traditions alive. I live for them every December. Thank you for never leaving Mexico when it became America. Thank you for not allowing the Spaniards to tear our culture down ❤

My Veteran Familia

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The story of my Veteran Familia. 

We all know the courageous stories of men and women fighting in wars.  They are our heroes, our dependable, hard-working members of our American society.   And I am every so proud to be able to say that many of the men in my family have served our county.

During WWI, WWII, Vietnam and the Korean wars, Men would leave their families to fight in a war for our independence while families not being guaranteed that their husbands, fathers or brothers would come back.  If that isn’t courageous, I don’t know what is.

My own Mejico familia struggled deeply with life in the military. My familias roots are from Mexico. One way or another they made their lives in Los Angeles, California.

During WWII my Papa (Dad’s Dad) fought in the army. I don’t know all the gruesome details as I was not old enough to have had a chance to ask him questions. What I do know is that in combat, he lost his nose. He had to have plastic surgery to create a new nose.

At 8 years old, he was the first person in my life that was torn from me. In my innocent eyes, he was my savior, my hero, my Papa. I remember my family taking him to the hospital, but didn’t exactly know why. In the summers, he would take care of my brother and I. Those days are so clear, with memories of riding in the back of his big station wagon with his floor covered with NyQuil bottles.

The connection came later in my teens. He had PTSD.  As a society, we unfortunately do not acknowledge the psychological damage war has on our fighters.

My Papa functioned, but he was so scarred from the war that he was a silent alcoholic. I later found out why they would rush him to the hospital. He had become so violent in his drunken states that they would take him to a hospital to be restrained and probably given sedatives.

The story is that once I was born (I was the first grandchild), he promised to stop drinking. And he did. I miss him to this day. I’m so grateful for his bravery of a family man to take care of his family even though I’m sure he was internally suffering. I’m so grateful he stood up to fight for America even though he was a Mexican citizen.  Did you hear that? Yes, he was born in Mexico and I’m not exactly sure if he came here legally or not, but he had a green card (from what my family has told me) and he fought for us, the American people!  His own mother did not even speak English or Spanish!  She spoke Nahuatl from what my Dad had told me.  Take that Mexican hater #45!

He fought in WWII, he was scarred for life, but as a child, I never heard him complain once!  On the other side of the coin, I never heard him speak of him servicing in the Army at all. I just want to hug him one more time and tell him that he never suffered alone!  But as we know, our Vets do not always get the best treatment, which is a sad reality.  Worse, my Papa’s generation was very “machismo” and men were really not allowed to be “weak” and seek help.

I want to give him one more kiss on the cheek and tell him he was my hero for more than one reason.

He was a MEXICAN man carrying a green card and an American Hero!

Happy Veterans Day to all the men and women who have fought for our independence!

Cheers to my Mejico familia:

My Papa, Joe Ruiz fought in WWII:
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My late Uncle, Louise Ruiz (Dad’s brother) served in the Navy during the Korean War.  He sadly committed suicide on a Navy boat at the age of 18-19.  Apparently, having to deal with his own father’s mental illness (PTSD) and then having to deal with the high expectations of being in the Navy during the Korean war, he couldn’t take it and he jumped off his Navy boat.  I sadly never had the chance to meet him.  Just as I send a heavenly hug to my Papa (his father), I send a hug to my late Uncle Louis.  Thank you for having the courage to join the Navy and fight for our American Independence!

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Next in line was my own Father, Stephen Ruiz.  Now, think about his family history so far.  His father had PTSD from WWII, his brother committed suicide during the Korean War and he still had the courage to be taken to the Army.  Right after high school, he was drafted, which was during the Vietnam War.   They sent him off to Vietnam and he did share some of his stories with me.  He was in the middle of combat.  He saw some of his buddies go down.  He partied, he met “women”, but in the little amount of time he was in combat, I could only imagine how that affected his Psyche.

My Nana (his mother) must have been distraught with the fact that her only son was alive and was in the middle of combat.   She ended up writing a letter to the President requesting to have my drafted Dad not fight in the actual war because she already had a husband who had PTSD and lost her oldest son (above) while in the Navy. They agreed and sent him to Germany to protect the Nuclear plants.  Even though my father was drafted, he went and fought.  Thank you to my Dad for serving in the Army and fighting for our Independence.  I of course send a million hugs to my Dad!

My Ruiz family had courage despite their internal struggles! My father survived the affects of the wars within his own family.  He struggled with his own internal demons, which at the end of the day, they did take over.  He numbed himself with alcohol.  As a Vet, he was taken care of as far as medical costs, but I truly feel that our Govt. does not take the effect of War seriously.  He was not screened for PTSD despite his families background and his own eyes of battle.

Battle wounds not only effect the Vet, but it is a family affair.

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On my Mothers side, my Grandpa, Jesus Moralez fought in WWII.  He survived.  Thank you Grandpa for your service!

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My Uncle Art Moralez was in the Army during Vietnam War (Mom’s brother).  I don’t know if he was drafted, but he obviously served.  Thank you Uncle Art for your service!

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My Uncle JR (Mom’s youngest brother) was in the Navy.
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Clearly, I have both sides of my family who served!  Happy Veterans Day to you and to all the Vets.  Thank you for your service!!!

(Revised November 2018)

Written by the daughter, granddaughter and niece of these wonderful Vets. Camille Ruiz aka Cami*Star. 

Beware of Cell Phones

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Cell phones are the new abductors. It used to be kidnappers and aliens.
It is now a rectangular piece of technology. Are you the next victim or will you fight back just like our parents fought to protect us kids from other dangers?

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I choose the latter:

I put my phone away when I eat dinner with my family. When I am at my last breath, I want to remember the laughs and funny snorts coming out of my children’s mouth. I do not want to remember sitting at a table while we all quietly scroll our cell phones.

It’s your choice.
Danger is here!
Beware of cell phones taking over humanity!

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Fairy tales

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When I truly connect with a soul, this is a rare occasion.

I have a very easy going soul, but I find it difficult to really, truly connect.

I do not care for small talk. I care for deep conversations that will take me to your fairy land.

And I found him. And we soared through the clouds at night. We rode through the bright sun.

It was magical. But all good things do not seem to last forever. Even fairy dust ends up diminishing.

The wrong page was turned. The wrong words were written. They were inked on.  Then “poof” we went into two separate worlds.

And I truly miss that story, even though it had a horrible ending!

I love fairy tales with happy endings. Somehow my world seems to transport villains and they come off as true Kings. But once their spell is broken, I see who and what they really want.

Regardless, it was a beautiful story. Our souls connected. And this is rare.

Rareness will always be remembered, it is not everyday that I get to soar through sprinkled fairy dust.

Maybe, our stories will collide again.

Until then, I send only my fairy wishes to you.

Two Types of People

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There are two types of people in this world….

You will encounter the ones who cannot commit to you yet love you deep down under. They want to live free yet come home to you.

Then there are the ones who open their hearts to you. Who will love you unconditionally. Who will give you 110% of their attention. They show you they love you. They want to come home to you and you only.

The question is, which are you able to live with?