Addiciton. Relapse. My Life. The Sheff Books.

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Books…Books…and more books…

Beautiful Boy By: Sheff

Okay, this father has to endure a life of an addiction like no other.  Why did I read this book?  Well, for one, I love books, but I usually read spiritual and religion stuff.  Well, I lied, I also get my kicks from reading memoirs, so of course this book caught my eye.  I was walking through Borders as I normally do every couple of weeks or so and noticed a book that caught my eye.  It was white with the title, “Beautiful Boy”.  Well, for one, it caught my eye because that’s a title of one of John Lennon songs and if anyone knows me, he’s my fave.  So, I picked up the book and those who are readers will understand that sometimes,  you don’t pick the book, the book picks you.  I felt a surge like no other.  I felt like the book wanted me to take it home (and no I was not high, hahah, not that I get high).  But of course on this particular day, I didn’t have the extra money to buy this book.  I left the book store as a sad six year old, wanting to cry because I wanted it so bad.  But I told myself, once I had the money, I would go grab it.  So, sure enough, I got paid, and rushed over to Borders to buy that book!

I got my hands on the book.  It was nothing but pleasure, like a kid getting an ice-cream!  I got home, read the book and did’t put it down for a whole week.  I read it.  I was amazed.

Amazed because I can feel this father’s pain.  Not on such a deep level, but a pain like no other.  You see, there are addicts.  Drug addicts.  Alcoholics.  They have a disease.  This disease not only eats these people up, but it effects their whole family.  I related to Sheff.  My own two parents were addicts.  But luckily my mom over came it.  Thank God.  But she’ll always have the disease.  Now, I’m not ashamed to say it.  But she works the twelve-step program and she has to every day or her disease will over take her.  This is just like Sheff’s son.  Nic.  Poor Nic.  He has a drug addiction that is hard for him to over come and it effects his Father.  This scares me to shit because not only do I have a child that I have to look out for, but this disease is genetic.  My daughter can be prone to this disease.  This was my fear as I grew up.  Knowing that both my parents were addicts, I was always afraid I would become addicted to drugs.  This, luckily saved me.  I never touched a hardcore drug in my life.  If I did, I probably would have gone into a spur of drug addiction.  I probably would have been like my parents and Nic, who would have been swallowed by drugs.  Not being able to get out of the addiction.  And then my family would be dying to know if I were alive or not.  Just like Nic’s father.  He lives in misery because he’s worried to shit where his son is.  He’s scared his son is in jail.  Or maybe he’s laying dead in the street.  It’s the scariest thing.  Anyway, to close on my thoughts, go out and read “Beautiful Boy”.  It is a deep book that talks about addiction coming from a fathers perspective.

As Mr. Sheff was writing his book, Nic his son had gone through several recovery homes trying to get sober.  He would get sober for a year and then forget that he was an addict and relapse.  He finally went to a good, therapeutic recovery home.  He is a good writer, so while he was sober he began writing about his addicted life.

So, out comes the book “Tweak” by Nic Sheff.  OMG..no it’s more like OMFG.  This book takes you into a world of addiction.  I now know what my parents went through.  The love he had for his family.  The want to be part of his family, yet when he did drugs, nothing else mattered to him, but getting high.  I felt like I was there with him.  I read this book even quicker.  I think in about five days.  I could not put this book down.  I read it before bed.  I read it when I got home. I read it while I was cooking.  This is a damn good book.  And not because I have a connection with these people, but because Nic Sheff is a damn good writer.   He has a blog, just google, “Nic Sheff”.  But he stopped writing.  Maybe he’s out on the streets again.  Or maybe he’s really focusing on promoting his book.  I don’t know.  But this disease is major.  And here we are spending all kinds of money on war.  Our state and country is in debt.  Yet, we don’t even think of trying to find a cure for this gene of addiction.  Some people don’t even realize the seriousness of this disease.

My father lays in the ground because of Alcoholism.  And he’s not the only one.  How many people have died because of this disease?   But most lay people out there think it’s their choice.  They overlook the fact that their in a deep somber of something that has taken over them.

So, the reason I began writing this is because I have an idea.  And I feel like if I put it out there, I’ll be more likely to finish it.  I have gone through this disease myself as I have mentioned above.  I have seen my Papa (my dad’s dad) suffer with alcoholism.  I saw his son, my own father suffer from it.  I have seen my mother suffer from drug addiction.  And her father suffer from alcoholism.  I have seen my uncle suffer with prescription drug addiction.  I have seen my cousin suffer with a slight sense of alcoholism.  I have seen a very close family member suffer with a slight sense of alcoholism.  With that said, should I be worried?  Gees, I don’t know.  I’m freakin’ scared for my daughter.  I suppose all I can do is educate her and let her know that this addiction disease is strong in our blood.  One shot of heroin could take her into addiction and she can be lost in the streets with other heroin addicts who sell their bodies for one shot.  One snort of cocaine could take her on whirlwind of addiction.

This is my life.  It is my story.  And I plan on writing a book about how my childhood and addiction have led to who I am.  I will not tell the basis of the story, I will tease  you.  Hopefully one day soon, you’ll see a colorful book with Camille Ruiz on the cover.  Hopefully one day, I’ll get into some research on how to cure this disease.

Till then, look out for the name……

About Cami*Star

I am an onion, peeled with many layers. My mind is an ever-flowing thinking machine. I love writing all my thoughts on paper and some get published here on my blog. I am a deep thinker, which brings along deep feelings-positively for the most part! I am a feminist, poet, writer, blogger, parent of two beautiful girls, a special education teacher, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a sister and most importantly a spiritual warrior! Thank you for reading All About Me and checking out my blog! Much appreciation from your truly, Cami*Star

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