Life is strange.
Life is wierd.
And life can be unbelievable.
One day we can enjoy it and our lives can be what we perceive as perfect and the next day it can come tumbling down. Or, we can be on one road and are trying to be strong for our lost of loved ones and then it all changes tomorrow. We just never know. That is the cool thing and strange thing about life.
In my strange world, I met this beautiful soul one day. Once our skin touched, we connected. But as all good things come to an end, it fell to pieces. Now mind you, it was strange as we never once when out on a date. I never let him into my personal world nor him I. But when I held him, it felt like chocolate melting. When he held me, it felt like I found my missing puzzle piece.
But with both of our crazy, busy lives, we just couldn’t give or put out more into this relationship.
As time went on, I purposely fought the opening of my heart. I knew I had to protect myself from getting hurt.
And it came to a halt that screeched like a bad car accident. After the accident, my heart hurt. And this is rare. My heart rarely hurts. It has only hurt for a few selected souls. Actually less than a couple of fingers.
But for some reason, when I no longer talked to him, my heart cried out with pain. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? I thought, well maybe I’m just PMSing, but the feelings never subsided. Then I thought, well maybe I’m just hormonal, but once again, the feelings were still there.
I did everything that would normally help take the pain away. But it was in my heart. He was in my heart. How did I allow him to enter? Do we even have this choice? Can we forcefully not allow someone in our heart? I tried desperately to not allow him in my heart. But sometimes they say our higher power has its own plans.
This I had to accept. I had to just accept that I had feelings for this guy. For whatever reason, I really, really cared about him. And here I was, seven months down the lane and he was completely out of my life. He would not talk to me. I was saddened. I couldn’t understand WHY I JUST COULD NOT GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD.
Two months went by and some days, I felt so proud of myself. I felt like I was finally over him. I felt like he was in my heart, but I was no longer saddened by the lost. Then other days, I would get reminded of him.
Now this cold, chilly weather reminds me of him.
I met him exactly a year ago. I would step outside under the moon and run into his arms. He would hold me. He would kiss me. He would keep me warm.
As it is now cold and chilly in this December weather, I got a flashback. I stepped outside and walked to my car and all of a sudden felt a surge of wanting him. I wanted those arms once again.
I tried to talk to him. He wouldn’t give me the time.
I tried. I tried. I tried.
Then one chilly evening, I decided, I would try one more time. I told him I missed him. After a few lines of conversation, he opened up. I was so happy, to just be able to connect with him. My lips curled up like burnt wax.
The next day, I saw him. It felt like no other happiness I have felt in the longest time. I was so happy. I was beyond happy. I was overjoyed.
We held on to each other like the world was going to end. There was not a second that flew by that we were not holding each other. I know he felt the same.
I know he missed me.
But we are stubborn people.
I just don’t understand why life cannot be simple. Why does everything have to be so difficult.
I did not want to leave his arms. I promised him I would not leave until he was dead asleep. I kissed him good-night and went on to reality. Or was this my reality? Will it now be my reality? Or is this all a dream?
It felt like a dream. It felt like I was jumping on pounds of clouds. I had the biggest smile in my heart.
I came home and went to dreamland thinking of this beautiful soul. And I still find it rare and strange. What is it about him that makes me so giddy? What is it about him that makes me smile? What is it? I will no longer question it, but I just know that he makes me happy. I feel complete when I’m with him.
The next day, we both admitted that it felt so good to have our arms around each other again.
Now, I am the happiest girl in the world!
But this is the story of love. Love lights up the world. Love lights up a heart. And this is what has happened to me. I will cherish all that I have today. If my path changes tomorrow, at least I had one more hug. At least I had one more kiss. At least I had one more chance.
What will happen tomorrow know one knows. But today I am happy!
I am happy.
I am happy.
I am happy.
The end for today.