My Brown-Eyed-Beau

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My Brown-Eyed-Beau

I miss my brown eyed beau.  He came into my life with fire. Then he was gone.  Why do things like this happen!  Geesh!  It is like a fairy tale story gone wrong.  

He was beautiful in my eyes, his smell was so attracting to my nose. When we were together, there was so much passion.  I looked forward to our meetings because I always knew it would be bliss!  

But he’s gone as far as being my lover.  I have morals, respect for myself and have semi-expectations.  Is that why I’m still single?  Well, maybe yes, but I believe that if someone really cares about me, they will fully respect me!   All of me!  My mind, my brain, and my body!

You see, he lives free. He is a free soul. He knew we had such strong passion and a connection, but he’s a musician. He travels. He’s everywhere. But we fell for each other. Don’t we get credit for that?  But he wanted to be a free man.  Meaning, he wanted to date whom ever he wanted.  

Look, I’m not this old hag!  But I believe that if you are MY lover and I haven opened myself to you, if you want to sleep with other girls, I truly think it’s disgusting.  I mean, how can you make love to me tonight, then another girl tomorrow?  Maybe I am old fashioned, but that is my moral.  

 After a few months of our lovely days together, I wanted him to be exclusive ONLY to me.  Ladies, Im sure you get this! You don’t want to share someone you’re beginning to deeply fall for. But, he said, he couldn’t.  It wasnt the fact that he said he didn’t want to be exclusive,  but it was the fact that he wants to be free to sleep with whomever he wants. He does not want to be “tied down”.

Despite the fact that I THOUGHT I’d be able to be lovers, while sharing, I had to cut the ties.  Why? Because after a great weekend that we had together-for his reasons that I do not know, he stopped calling and most importantly, he stopped trying to see me! 

Something changed and he was not being open with me.  All of a sudden he wasn’t asking to see me anymore, when he always did!  He always made time for me.  He’d always call or text me atleast every other day and it was all gone.  I kept my distance because in a weird way, I had an incling that he was with one of his other “lovers”.  

But when I texted him saying I missed him, he always said he missed me too.  But at the same time, he never had time to come see me.  I am not stupid!  I am an intelligent girl.  I knew something changed, whether he wanted to tell me or not.  

Was it the fact that I wanted to be “exclusive”?

Was it the fact that he was falling in love with me?

Or was is simply the fact that he was spending time with one of his many other lovers?

I kept trying to probe, but he would just say that he was still interested, but he had been so busy.  Hmmmm…NOT buying it!  Because he surely had enough time to go out all the time at night. 

So, here is what made me break the tie.  The final draw.  The end of the end.  

He called me at 3 AM.  I was elated! I missed him! He of course was drunk, but I found it humorous!  Until….he started talking about the sexual relationship he had or is having with his ex-girlfriend.  The first thing out of his mouth when he called me was, “I’m here with my ex-girlfriend”.  But he ignored my “what the hell?”.  

He went on and on about how he wanted to have a three-some with us two!  Wow, he had the nerve!  Then he said, he felt like he loved me!  REALLY?  I had tears rolling down my face, while I allowed him to talk my ear off.  

The next day, I told him that what he said, really hurt me.  He said sorry and he tried to say that all of what he said was all lies.  I don’t believe it.  And whether he was lying because he was drunk, the fact of the matter still resided.  He was very distant and I feel like he just wanted to keep me on the side to continue to have me as “one of his lovers” that he can go to! 

In the end, I was hurt.  I am hurt.  But I suppose it is life.  I mean, there are many men I have dated and let go because they didn’t fit what I wanted.  But with my brown eyed beau, I guess it was different because of the connection we had!  And he felt it!  

So, good bye to you.  I know you are living your free life.  Go for it!  I am always your friend, but never your lover because I do have morals.  

 

About Cami*Star

I am an onion, peeled with many layers. My mind is an ever-flowing thinking machine. I love writing all my thoughts on paper and some get published here on my blog. I am a deep thinker, which brings along deep feelings-positively for the most part! I am a feminist, poet, writer, blogger, parent of two beautiful girls, a special education teacher, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a sister and most importantly a spiritual warrior! Thank you for reading All About Me and checking out my blog! Much appreciation from your truly, Cami*Star

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